A Pair of Shoes

“A Pair of Shoes”

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
– Author unknown

I had to share this poem I read today.  It is oh so true in so many ways.  I don’t “hate my shoes” every day but it has been a rough spring/summer.  It has now been 5 months and 6 days since my baby was taken from me.  I think about it every day.

If the emotional toll of pregnancy loss isn’t enough to take on, the infertility diagnosis has brought an entirely new roller coaster to the table.  It has changed me – for better or worse, I don’t know?  I don’t consider myself to be an overly emotional person but my new “normal” is to break down in tears at the sight of anything that even slightly tugs at the heart-strings.  It can be a happy moment, a funny moment, or a sad one but you can bet that I am crying.  I hope and pray for the day that those tears will come from a place of joy and hope instead of from the lonely, bitter hole left in my heart where they currently reside.

Day by day, I squeeze my tired feet into these pitiful shoes and pray for a glimmer of hope, a rainbow to follow the storm…for myself and all the other women wearing these shoes.

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One Response to A Pair of Shoes

  1. oldsunbird says:

    I pray for many rainbows for you. God bless.

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